Independent vice-presidential candidate Matt Gonzalez, running mate of Ralph Nader, has apparently gone missing and recent speculation suggest that he’s “probably somewhere. I don’t care.”
More so than being relegated to virtual obscurity since unceremoniously being announced as number two in the Ralph Nader long-shot bid for President just over six months ago, it appears instead that Gonzalez has entered into literal obscurity as no one has seen him since.
Chauncey Mason of Elkhorn City, Kentucky claims to have seen Gonzalez “in yonder hills,” but those claims have yet to be verified. “I swears I saw him floppin’ around those underbrushes up there, duckin’ and hidin’ behind the trees not to be seen. Either was him or the sasquatch.”
Selected to court the elusive Mexican intellectuals vote, Gonzalez is known for his unorthodox politics and has been an active member in the San Francisco political scene since he be came th e…… <YAWN!>
A spokesperson from the Nader/Gonzalez camp released this statement: “Matt Gonzalez is not missing. He’s been right here campaigning alongside Mr. Nader the whole time. We’re not even sure what your–” at which point we got bored and stopped reading the statement.