After watching the V.P. debate last night, it took many hours and a good night’s sleep for me to recover. Not because of the booze, but because 1) my brain had to strain so hard to figure out what relation the jumble of words coming out of Sarah Palin’s mouth had to do with the questions posed to her, and 2) my jaw muscles hurt from grinding my teeth waiting for Biden to actually debate instead of smiling politely every time Palin took another uneducated jab at him. Frankly, they both looked like idiots. And somehow Gwen Ifill managed to beat Jim Lehrer in the “creating awkwardness” column, which I thought was impossible.
Anyway, over 10,000 of you took a look at the drinking game since it was posted, so I thought I would give it a recap.
A preface: This is a comedy site, not a drinking game site, so the rules were more intended to make you laugh than to get you drunk. That said, there was a solid mix of the candidates nailing certain words I thought they wouldn’t, and passing up some of the easy ones. (Seriously, no one said Russia?!)
Without further ado, your The Official* Vice Presidential Debate Drinking Game Official Recap:
- Unfortunately, Palin didn’t mention any of her kids by name. Literally shocking. She did however mention her “son”, her “special needs child”, her “kids” and her “kids to college”. Depending on how you interpreted the rules, that could be as many as 35 drinks — scoring one point for each child it was implied she was talking about — or as few as 3 drinks — scoring one point each for the first three mentions and zero points for the last mention since none of her remaining children are intelligent enough to end up in college.
- Somehow Palin got through the entire debate without mentioning 9/11. For this, and only this, I applaud her.
- Early on, Palin blurted out “hockey mom” with reckless abandon. The official rule was to “drink until she takes the self-satisfied smirk off her face.” Technically, from this point, you could have steadily drank for the rest of the debate.
- If you were looking for an excuse to get hammered, Biden’s chuckling was definitely your in. He chuckled at Ifill right off the bat, and pretty much only stopped chuckling at both Ifill and Palin when he need an opportunity to let out a deep-seated sigh.
- Biden certainly name dropped himself as much as expected, a couple times in his famous guy-from-middle-America-talking-to-me manner. He said his entire name 4 times, and part of his name 3 times. He also mentioned his website — joebiden.com — which includes his entire name. 13 drinks total in my book.
- Unfortunately, the size of Delaware in relation to Alaska was never mentioned.
- Russia and the former Soviet Union stayed out of the entire debate. Putin is angry and is plotting his revenge.
- Hillary and Monica’s names weren’t tossed in (as one would hope) but the Clinton administration was name checked by Biden, so count that as 2 drinks.
- Dick Cheney got a solid 5 mentions, all by Joe Biden, for 5 angry drinks. And though the other “Dicks” listed weren’t said, I took a drink for Dick Lugar all the same — another 3 drinks.
- Alas, Biden never did his interpretation of the infamous Lloyd Bentsen line. However, I did come pretty close to chugging my beer, turning off my TV, and shooting myself in the head when Palin said, “Say it ain’t so, Joe.” Hopefully no one blames me.
Overall, seems like the second straight time boredom has been a 2008 debate winner. I’m already thinking of a new drinking game: it’s called “How many hours can I sit in a dank bar drinking cheap canned beer while the polling stations are open instead of voting in this bullshit election.”