McCain campaign alleges “comedic bias” towards Palin

At a speech in Michigan today, Sen. John McCain made a number of remarks accusing the media of rampant comedic bias in it’s coverage of his vice presidential candidate, Alaskan Governor Sarah Palin. “Governor Palin is perfectly qualified to be vice-president,” the Senator began.  “She’s over thirty-five, a natural born American citizen and has lived [...]

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Undecided voters looking for candidate to chew meat, tie shoes

As the weekend comes to a close, a number of undecided voters have had a chance to reflect on Friday’s first presidential debate. “I don’t think either candidate took a clear lead,” remarked Sally Bedfield, an undecided voter from Columbus in the battleground state of Ohio.  “I breed and sell dogs and am very concerned [...]

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Blow by blow debate coverage of the first presidential debate

10:37pm: And the winner is… BOREDOM! 10:31pm: Seriously, if McCain was coach of the Cleveland Browns, he wouldn’t switch to Brady Quinn even if they started the season 0 – 11. 10:30pm: Can we impeach Obama after we find out he is a secret Al Qaeda operative, or is it, like, once we vote him [...]

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McCain cites high prices/credit cards as poor economy’s instigator

Republican presidential nominee John McCain believes he has found the source of America’s economic troubles. Speaking to a crowd of hundreds outside a Kroger in Cleves, Ohio, Sen. McCain took issue with what he had just seen inside the grocery store. “I know hardworking Americans all across this great nation have been reeling from economic [...]

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UNBREAKING NEWS: McCain NOT meth kingpin

It has come to our attention that Republican presidential nominee John McCain is NOT the kingpin of an illegal methamphetamine ring.  There was no 4 pm EST press conference and our story run under the headline “BREAKING NEWS: McCain admits to running meth ring!” was nothing more than speculative garbage and unverifiable and vicious slander.  [...]

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BREAKING NEWS: McCain admits to running meth ring!

BREAKING NEWS: In a shocking revelation bound to shake the very foundation of the U.S. presidential campaign, Slander ’08 has received a tip that Republican presidential candidate John McCain has scheduled a press conference for 4 pm EST to announce that he admits to being kingpin of the largest methamphetamine manufacturing and distribution ring in [...]

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McCain’s answer to crippled economy: McCain Bucks!

With the entire American economy on the verge of collapse and his opponent blaming the failed policies of his party, Republican presidential nominee John McCain announced a unique solution to the county’s financial woes at a press conference early this morning. “The fundamentals of the American economy are sound,” Sen. McCain said.  “Our financial markets [...]

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Bin Laden’s newest terrorist attack: Hurricane Ike

While Americans mourn the anniversary of the horrific attacks of September 11th, Al Qaeda leader Osama Bin Laden had other plans to mark the date. Unable to mobilize his international terrorist operations from the most remote caves in all of Pakistan, Bin Laden has been forced to resort to more radical tactics.  According to those [...]

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John McCain and Kim Jong-Il same person!

International speculation has been running rampant about the health and condition of North Korean leader Kim Jong-Il.  Though general consensus is that the former member of the “Axis of Evil” has suffered a stroke, some believe he may be dead.  In either case, Jong-Il has been noticeably out of the public eye recently with a [...]

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McCain denies using “Swift Boat” style attacks

Republican Presidential candidate John McCain has gone on record declaring that he has not and will not use infamous “swift boat” style attacks on Democratic Presidential candidate Barack Obama. “I’m not sure if you noticed, but I am 82 years old,” Sen. McCain is quoted as saying.  “If I was going to use a boat, [...]

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